Let’s Talk About Going Back to School

I know we don’t want to think about it yet, but Back to School season is pretty much upon us. As an anxiety specialist, there are some good reasons to bring up this topic now instead of waiting until the last minute: Kids often need prep to manage transitions, and because the time to start managing problems is now. Let’s explore these ideas:

Kids often need prep time to manage transitions.

If we, the parents, sit down and consider what our kids need before the start of school, we’ll be in a better (calmer, more planned out) position to help them cope. This means thinking through the practical as well as the emotional side of transitioning.

1.      Practical Prep:  Think about the things you need to do to help your children get ready for school, and consider how much time you need to get them done. These may include:

·        Making sure summer homework is on track to be completed (woah, I’m calling myself out here. Note to self: put summer homework on the schedule)

·        Think about how long you need to gather and purchase school supplies and school clothing.

·        Consider when you need to discuss schedule changes with your child (will they be taking the bus? What time will they need to leave? When is wake up time?)

·        Think through and discuss any changes of responsibilities with your partner and children (Who is in charge of packing lunch? Snacks? Backpack?)

2.      Emotional Prep: It is never to early to talk to your child about how they’re feeling about school. Here are some tips:

·        Bring up the topic casually.  “Hey, middle school is starting – do you have any thoughts or concerns you wanted to talk about?”

Don’t assume your child will be struggling, but don’t assume they won’t have any concerns either, especially if it’s a transition year. Don’t put ideas in their head (“high school is terrifying”) but don’t assume they have no worries if they didn’t talk about them.

·        Validate, validate, validate. If your child does express concern, be careful not to jump to why they shouldn’t feel they way they do. (“Don’t worry about getting lost. The bus driver knows the route.”).

Instead, name the feeling that he is expressing (“you’re worried about getting lost.”) and prompt for problem solving if necessary (“what could you do if you did get lost?”).

Sometimes, it’s okay to just “be” with your child in their feelings, even if it’s uncomfortable. “Going to a new school is hard. I think you’ll manage really well, but I know this is a challenge.”

The early bird gets the….therapy appointment?

The second big reason to start thinking about school transitions is for kids who need extra support. I can’t begin to tell you how many parents pop out of the woodwork and start calling therapists for intake appointments during the first week of school. It’s so easy for parents to say, “my child was struggling with anxiety last year, but the summer went great! I’m sure the school year will continue to go well, so I’ll wait and see.” If you suspect your child might have a difficult transition to the school year, the time to reach out for help is now. Or ideally, yesterday. Therapists often have waitlists and it is easier to postpone an appointment then to book a new one for the day that you need it.

This is specifically true when you know your child struggles with a specific issue, like Selective Mutism (an anxiety disorder where a child speaks in some settings, like home, but not others, like school), or School Refusal, where your child had problems related to school attendance. These problems do not tend to get better on their own, so the sooner you can set up support, the better. These are both problems with treatments that work to help, so look for an evidence-based therapist with experience in the problem your child is dealing with.